To Be or Not To Be…..What was the question again?
As these fingers are typing away, there are a few words that literally flashed across this aging and forgetful mind of mine: Disbelief, Affronted, Amusement, and especially, Disappointment. Let’s just say, in all honesty, never in my life have I ever met with this kind of incredulity. I thought that nothing else in life would ever shock or surprise me anymore; not after a beloved father’s untimely death, not after going through all those obstacles and failures in life, and not even after a near death experience…twice! But boy-oh-boy, was I proved wrong. The absurdity of it all astounds me. Life sure has a few more tricks up its sleeves, and one of them was revealed just recently in, I might say, the most unbelievable circumstances ever. To disregard this matter completely is perhaps best for my sanity, but then again perhaps it is also best for me to just say what had been long-time coming…
So, without further ado, here it goes:
Firstly, I AM SORRY. For the things that I have done or said to people that have been hurt or presumed affronted by my actions (or non-actions). Believe me when I say that it was never intended, and I am after all only human. Maybe I should have done more, and maybe I should have done less. But past is past, and I can’t undo anything that has been done or said. To those who felt unappreciated; I’m sorry. To those who felt that my words and actions were sarcastic or rude; I’m sorry. Perfection is what we wish for, but to my own detriment I am far from it. But despite my flaws, I am who I am, take it or leave it. If some of you feel that my decision last night was based on a whim and due to what happened prior, you are all mistaken. This has in fact been considered, thought carefully and weighed upon, and that I feel for my own sake and sanity it’s better for me to bid adieu. I have no grudges against anyone, for to hold any kind of grudge is just a waste of my time and energy. Life is short, as short as it is that I might even exhale my last breath in my sleep tonight. So for now, all I can do is to hope that I might appeal to that hidden place in each and every one of you where forgiveness is not just a word but is achievable and is practiced. Alas, to each his own. But at least I have taken this first step and the rest is up to you.
Secondly, THANK YOU. For all your cooperation, hard work, participation and time that had been invested and spent during the stint in my post. I really appreciate everything that had been done in the name of the association. Thank you, and may your life be blessed with peace, joy and happiness…
OK. Since I’ve got THAT out of the way, now here are some things that might offend some of the more “soft-hearted” individuals who are reading this. So, kalau tak nak rasa pedasnya, tolong jangan baca apa yang ditulis kat bawah ni ya. En anglais: For those of you who can’t stand criticism or have a very sensitive nature, in order not to hurt your very sensitive souls, please STOP READING THIS POST HERE and DO NOT PROCEED ANY FURTHER. But for those of you who think that you are well equipped with your own sets of “bebola ikan”, PROCEED AT YOUR RISK. I hold no responsibilities for myocardial ischemic attacks or elevated blood pressure and tachycardia that might be hazardous to your health. Remember: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
I realized now that maybe the time hasn’t come yet for a democratic style of leadership, and maybe a dictatorship style is more to your taste. I wanted to give power to the people, where freedom of speech is welcomed, and where each and every one of you are treated like decent, sane, bright, promising and responsible ADULTS. As sane adults, I expected a level of maturity and intelligence from you. As sane adults, if there is anything that is a cause of distress or dissatisfaction amongst you it could be discussed and be resolved until a probable and the best solution to the problem has been found. And as future physicians where you’ll have to deal with more important things like life and death, I expected more from you. But if ganging up, bickering, behind-the-back-talking is more of your style, oh well. I can’t do anything to change that, can I? No matter what we do there will still be some people who are so decidedly against us and will still have things to say that our good intentions would just fall into deaf ears and blank minds. And here I was reminded of what my grandma said; “Mulut tempayan kita boleh tutup tapi mulut orang kita tak boleh nak kawal…..” Ermmmmm……tokne, kalau kita pakai cellotape boleh tak? :))
Power is one potent and heady stuff, and second to money it is the most coveted in life. At least for some people it is. But I guess when too much power is given it has the ability to turn friends into foes, and buddies into enemies. Add a sum of money to that equation and what you get is a power struggle. To use the power that you have been given for something good is what it should be, but to wield it unwisely is dangerous. Sadly though, that is what we see a lot happening around us, so I guess it is easier to be the devil than the saint. But no matter what, I will still try to see the good in people even when there’s no hope, because to give up the idea of kindness and goodness would mean to give up hope on humanity. Come on people, we can do better than this, don’t you think?
So now people, the power has been given to you. Do what you want with it, it’s yours to use and wield. Choose wisely. You are the future, and if this is all that you have to show for, I pray and hope that the future won’t be as bleak as I see it could be if you go down this path of yours...
So, to all of you wounded and yet-to-grow-up souls, Good Luck, God Bless, and May one day you will realize that growing up and being an adult is not so bad after all…
Oh, and for those sensitive souls whom have been stubbornly disregarding my warnings and are still reading this and felt the “spicyness” of my words and thoughts, and also for those whom are wondering why I am putting up this post, this is what I have got to say:
This is my blog and my space so it’s my wish to write whatever that I want to. Deal with it.
What are dreams? Are they just plain nonsensical scenarios played out when you were in your REM sleep, or is it your unconscious mind that's giving you signals unconsciously? And so, what are nightmares, then? Scary dreams?
